Generational Upheaval: The Family

**This is Part 2 of a series responding to "The Generation of Contrast," an article in the current issue of Relevant Magazine**

Going to a conservative Christian college in the midwest, you can't help but detect a certain undertone of expectation. You hear stories of how parents and professors fell in love and married their spouse back when they went to college. You sit in chapels led by husband-and-wife duos who give expert advice on "finding the one" while in school. You hear over and over again the jokes about "getting my ring by spring" or "finishing up my M.R.S. degree." Marriage was a topic at school that always sat right beneath the surface, often shaping the conversation at hand. I even remember sadly having conversations with friends who honestly revealed to me that because they were going to graduate unmarried, they felt their college years were worthless and a failure.

I say all of this to provide a contrast to the reality that presently exists when it comes to marriage for this generation. The conservative Christian college view of marriage taking place early in one's twenties is certainly in the minority when compared to the rest of the world. The norm is the idea that marriage can wait. Only 12 percent of young Christians expect to be married by 25, just 9 percent expecting children. Adolescence continues to be prolonged and the ritual of marriage continues to be delayed from how it was for our parents and grandparents. There are several reasons for this:

• Learning from our parents. Divorce rates for the baby boomer generation are astronomical. A majority of twenty- and thirtysomethings grew up in a home affected by divorce. Knowing and understanding firsthand the effect divorce has on children, young men and women in this generation are far less likely to enter the covenant of marriage on little more than a whim. We understand that fairy tales don't exist in real life, so you want to make sure this relationship is something that will indeed last for the rest of your life before you enter that holy covenant.
• Delay of maturity. With the delay of adolescence comes a delay in maturity. The knowledge that mom and dad will be there to pick me up if/when I fall is a powerful thing indeed. We just plain aren't forced to grow up quite as quickly as the previous generations have, and various responsibilities aren't required to be taken as soon as they used to be.
• Delay of income. Money is a significant factor. Unemployment among young adults is high, and those who do find employment following college discover that the entry level compensation just isn't enough to raise a family on.
• High aspirations. Many in this generation have high goals: completing degrees, finding the right job, traveling the world, or making a difference in some tangible way, and tying the knot can delay or even outright cancel the eventual achievement of those goals.

As with all things, there are positives and negatives associated with this sociological phenomenon. I'm constantly floored by the idealism of this generation. We see the world that we are inheriting and we want to fix it. We want to avoid the mistakes our parents made. That is exciting stuff! On the other hand, we tend to fall into the territory of arrogance in desiring this activism. We think we know the solution, only to often find out painfully that we don't. Overall, while it may seem to be a negative when compared to the past ways of starting and raising families, I think the delay of marriage is a good thing. Divorce rates are down for 18-34 year olds and they continue to decline. We are waiting to marry, but it's usually for the right reasons. Personally, I find that I need to fight that ingrained notion that my upbringing taught me. I'm not married, and that actually is a good thing! I think back to who I was back in college when my friends were getting married and I cringe. I definitely was not ready for that type of responsibility. I continue to grow in maturity and I know that my 26-year old self has a lot more to offer my future wife than I did five years ago when the pressure to marry was at its peak.

There are HUGE implications here for the church. First, we have to release the expectation I described at the beginning of this article. Youth in this culture are predominantly unmarried well into their twenties and we cannot have expectations otherwise. The young single adult demographic is the number one most overlooked category in the ministry of the church. If (and that's a HUGE if) a church has a ministry to young adults, it is usually catered solely to college age and the next step offered is for newlyweds. Most churches cater to young couples with children and are far less capable of connecting with young singles. This paradigm shifted outside the church a looong time ago, and its time for us in the church to begin reevaluating our expectations of young people and start meeting them where they are rather than telling them where they should be. This is a crucial step for the church as we continue to march forward into the 21st Century.

What do you think? Is the offset of marriage a good or bad thing? What can the church do better to reach the unmarried?